hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
be right there i have to get my cape
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
