does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
