i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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