this boner is exhausting
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
