and you said cock pushups were impossible
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
