Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
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You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize