How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
