I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I didn't notice because vodka
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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