with your own penis?
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
