her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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