Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
