i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
