I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
