My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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