I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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