No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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