Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
