He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
