38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
