living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
nutella sex= disaster
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
