You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
