He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
