dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
