3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You made out with two different species that night
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
