dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
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I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Be still, my beating vagina.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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