I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
