guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
