Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
