dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
