I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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