pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
