these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
