hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
