She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
