just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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