And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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