Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
