oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
