What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
