i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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