im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Randomize
