I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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