I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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