then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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