okay pat passed out under dana's car
my phone needs a breathalizer
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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