I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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