Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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