I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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