ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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