I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
two words...techno handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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