also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
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I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
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True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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