Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
