Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
