i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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