Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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