i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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