i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
