No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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