this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
