my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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