I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
