i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
