Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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