i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
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Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
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It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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