You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
